What Happens to Parents

So your kid has a mental illness.  Too bad, guys.  No support groups for you.  And you are the ones who need it most because there is a sneaking suspicion that it is all your fault.  Of course, rationally, you know you are doing just fine as a parent and it's certainly not your fault.  But that's where Mom's mind goes unbidden.  

Dad, of course, goes to "let's fix this,"  followed shortly by "why can't we fix this?"  This is very frustrating for Dad.  Dad has not had the advantages of therapy and SSRIs, so Dad is taking this hard. 

Dad and mom have spent lots of time and money taking the kid to therapists (he refuses to talk to them), trying different meds (the good ones are only moderately helpful and the bad ones have frightening side effects), and going to IEP staffings.  Nothing really seems to work.  He won't let anybody help him.

This latest setback is very frustrating for Dad, who expresses a wish to send the kid to a residential treatment center so he can stop ruining our family.  Mom gets mad at Dad, because families are supposed to stick together during rough times, not just give up.  Mom and Dad spend a tense weekend, but manage to have some make-up sex while the kids are at Hebrew School and things seem better now.